What does 2012 hold for us?

I wish I knew for sure.

Every year at this time people start with the resolutions.

This year I will:

Lose Weight

Exercise More

Stop biting my nails.

Etc. Etc.

I don't exactly understand why we all do this because we never follow through.  Maybe some people do...but I don't think I know any of those people.  I am sure if we go back and look at our resolutions from year to year, they are usually the same.  I know mine are.

This year I have a bigger goal in mind.

As many of you probably know, Shawn and I have been trying for quite some time to get pregnant.  Unfortunately, our path to parenthood has been more like an epic journey that is not even close to being over.  We would like to keep the details to ourselves and within our immediate families, but the general story is that we are experiencing infertilty.  We have been undergoing lots of diagnostic testing over the past year and we have seen lots of doctors and specialists.  We do have a few options available to us, which we will be looking into over the next few months, but the road ahead of us is certainly not straight and easy, it will be extremely hard emotionally, and it will not be inexpensive.

For those of you that know me well, you know that being pregnant and becoming a mother is something that I have wanted very much all of my life.  Shawn and I both have struggled emotionally with the infertility dianosis.  Since my job surrounds me with pregnancy, birth, and babies, it has been a great challenge to continue in my career with the same passion I felt before. I have been attending support groups and even started seeing a therapist for awhile.  Infertility is much more common than most people know and believe me when you are the one who isn't getting pregnant month after month it seems like everyone around you suddenly is pregnant!  Infertility often causes tremendous strain on a marriage, but I am happy to say that Shawn and I are approaching this as a team and our marriage is as strong as ever.  No matter what the outcome is, we will be together at the end of the road.

I am trying to approach the new year with new hope.  We will see new specialists.  Test out new insurance.  Try things we never thought we would in an attempt to have just one miracle.  That is all that we want.  We will update people when there is something to report, but we would appreciate no questions about our when and how we will be pregnant.  It is too complicated and it is difficult for me to talk about.  For now we just live day to day, enjoying our family as it is.  We have a great dog that will have to fulfill my maternal needs for now :)  We also have the most wonderful nephew ever and we love him more than we ever thought we could love a child!  The love we feel for him gives us hope that no matter how a child enters our life, we will be a loving family. 

So what does 2012 hold for us?

We hope that 2012 brings us a miracle.